I'm confident, but I'm not outspoken. I'm decisive, but I think out loud. I can be direct, but I'm not aggressive. For a long time, those felt like contradictions—things I needed to resolve or fix to be successful in construction management, a traditionally male-dominated field where traits typically perceived as masculine are often seen as the path to success.
Twenty-five years into my career in public works and civil engineering—from managing projects to leading my firm to now running my tech company—I've realized they're not contradictions at all. They're just who I am. And figuring out how to work effectively as myself rather than as some version of my (mostly male) mentors has been one of the most important parts of my professional journey.
I've managed projects, overseen contractors, navigated audits and claims, and mentored staff in the public sector. I've spent a lot of time in rooms where I'm the only woman, or one of very few. And I've learned some things along the way about communication, presence, and authenticity that I wish I could tell my younger self.
These are lessons I wrote with women in mind, but I don't think they're exclusive to women. Honestly, I believe these could benefit anyone navigating this industry. They're not universal truths, and your experience will most likely be different from mine. But if you're navigating similar spaces, maybe some of my personal reflections will help.
Show Up As Yourself (Not As Someone Else's Version of You)
Early in my career, I tried to emulate my mentors—mostly older men who were confident, decisive, and commanded rooms effortlessly. The problem? I'm not them. I can't show up in the world the way they do, and trying to do so felt like wearing someone else's clothes that didn't quite fit.
I'm confident, but not outspoken. I'm feminine, but not girly. I'm thoughtful, not impulsive. For the longest time, I saw these as contradictions or weaknesses. Now I see them as my absolute strengths.
If you're naturally funny, lean into humor. If you're soft-spoken, use that measured approach to your advantage—people often lean in to listen more carefully. The key is looking at the people you admire and asking: "How can I achieve similar results while being authentically me?" It's been a long journey to figure that out, but it's made all the difference.
Drop the Disclaimers
"I'm no expert, but...", "This might be a stupid question, but...", or, "I could be wrong, but..."
We've all heard these phrases—maybe we've even said them ourselves. And look, sometimes they're appropriate. If you're genuinely stepping outside your area of expertise on a technical matter, acknowledging that would make sense.
But here's what I've noticed: we often use these disclaimers when we have plenty of relevant experience. You haven't personally built a bridge? So what—you've managed bridge projects, coordinated contractors, solved countless field issues, and navigated the complexities of construction daily. That experience absolutely counts.
I'm not a huge fan of how much "imposter syndrome" gets discussed specifically in relation to women—it sometimes feels like we're being told our self-doubt is our problem to fix, rather than examining why qualified people feel like imposters in the first place. But regardless of the cause, undermining yourself before you even make your point doesn't serve you or the conversation.
Know Your Triggers (And What They're Really Telling You)
Mine is not being listened to. It's a familiar frustration after years of saying something, being ignored, and then hearing a man next to me say essentially the same thing and suddenly everyone nods in agreement.
Here's what I've learned: knowing your triggers helps you assess situations more clearly. Is this behavior that genuinely needs to be called out? Or is this hitting a nerve because of past experiences, and maybe the current situation isn't actually problematic?
Intent doesn't excuse impact—if someone's behavior is out of line, it's out of line regardless of whether they meant harm. But understanding your own sensitivities helps you gauge severity and examine your own responses more objectively. It's not about dismissing your feelings; it's about having the full picture so you can respond effectively.
"Does That Make Sense?" Is Actually Fine
There's a common piece of advice that says women should stop asking, "Does that make sense?" because it supposedly signals insecurity or that someone is seeking validation.
I actually disagree.
I think more people—men and women alike—should be asking this. Communication is everything in construction. Projects succeed or fail based on whether everyone truly understands what's being discussed, what's expected, and what the plan actually is. Saying, "Does that make sense?" is really asking:
➡️"Are we on the same page?"
➡️"Did I explain that clearly?"
➡️"Do you need me to approach it differently?"
You can also rephrase it in various ways—
➡️"Is that clear?"
➡️"Do you have questions?"
➡️"Let me know if I should explain that another way"
But the goal is the same: ensuring genuine understanding. Good communication isn't about sounding confident while leaving confusion in your wake. It's about making sure the message is actually received and understood. That's not weakness; that's doing your job well.
Save "Sorry" for When You Actually Need It
This one, I completely agree with: 🚫STOP apologizing for things that aren't your fault.
"Sorry, just following up on this..." , "Sorry to bother you, but..." , "Sorry, one quick question..."
When you apologize constantly for normal, everyday work interactions, it undermines the times when you've genuinely made a mistake and a real apology is warranted. It also subtly signals that your presence, questions, and input are somehow an imposition rather than a valuable part of getting the work done.
Reserve "sorry" for when you've actually done something wrong. It'll mean more, and you'll take up the space you deserve in the meantime.
Adapt to the Communication Styles Around You
I'm an external processor—I think out loud, use a lot of words, and work through ideas verbally. That's how I make sense of things.
Over the years, I've noticed that many of the men I work with tune out when I do this. It's not malicious; their communication style is just different. They tend to be more concise and decision-focused.
Once I recognized this pattern, I realized I needed to do my external processing elsewhere—with a trusted colleague, on a walk, in my notes—and then come to meetings or conversations with a more distilled message.
This isn't about making myself smaller. It's about being effective. If I want people to hear my ideas and my input to matter, I need to deliver it in a way that actually lands with my audience. That's not changing who I am; that's being strategic about how I communicate.
The same works in reverse—understanding how others communicate helps me interpret their messages better and collaborate more effectively.
Final Thoughts
None of this is about becoming someone you're not or playing by rules that don't make sense. It's about understanding yourself, understanding your environment, and finding authentic ways to be effective.
I want to reiterate: your experience will be different from mine. You might be outspoken where I'm measured, or concise where I'm verbose. You might work in environments where these dynamics play out completely differently. And that's exactly the point—there's no single "right" way to navigate this industry as a woman, or as anyone else for that matter.
These are some important lessons I've learned in my career. I invite you to take what resonates, leave what doesn't, but please continue moving towards the best version of yourself, weaving in those pieces that serve you best.